From my journal....

Son of the Sheik is a movie made when Rudy had been officially divorced from Natasha. He traveled all the way to Europe in hopes of getting her back. They had one meeting, and I wish there was some record of what was said between them. Words spoken on this day would end them. Not to mention what Rudy must have been thinking on his long boat trip back to America.
I can only imagine that it was about reclaiming his success at the box office, and winning over his fans and winning them back to him, as closely as he could, and you know the days of his Sheik like captivity must have played in his thoughts on the one way it was possible.
For so many years, I believe, Natasha poisoned Rudy's mind against his own movies, especially most of all, the Sheik. And because of her he turned away from it, and thus somewhat from the fans who loved it. He referred to the movie in an interview as a "mess" --- this movie, that gave so many, legions upon legions, of his fans pleasure, terrific pleasure.
Maybe on that boat ride home, he had some guilt to confront, realizing he threw over his fans so easily for Natasha.
And maybe he felt a little foolish too, being so blinded by love and to sacrifice so much, for a love that he lost so easily --- as soon as he could no longer carry the weight of it's obligations on him, even after all his hard work of trying so hard too and in many ways succeeded, he was unable to give it a life of it's own ... and so it was crushed under the weight he could no longer bear.

So, the Son of the Sheik brings us a totally different Rudy and a deeper more emotional charged performance ever shown on film by him. Here he unleashes all of himself on the screen with so much intent and determination it's almost cruel. Rudy was determined to recapture the fans he lost through the course of his marriage to Natasha. Although the Eagle brings a freed and broken Rudy to us (and a delightful performance too) it was the Son of the Sheik he had every intention in reclaiming his place and that was at the top of the hearts of his audience who had sought him so feverlishly before. And he pulled out all the stops. Natasha no longer in the corner pulling strings and in some sense immasculating him, he came to this movie full throttle.
And so when I think of it, it is almost cruel (and deliciously so). Almsot as if when Ahmed swings Yasmin to the ground holding her wrist as she pleads with him from the floor, Rudy was acting out of some thought with his own experience with his fans, who he felt had also betrayed and abandoned him, and even maybe he felt that his fans that professed their undying love for him also had something to do with the break up of his marriage because they did not, even with all their flowery and poetic letters, (filled with passionate love they claimed for him) show up at his movies that would have made him and Natasha a success.
And just like Yasmin who Ahmed believed betrayed him, although not directly inflicting the wounds that would cause his torment, Rudy may have also believed his fans indirectly caused it all to happen.

***

Some times I think Rudy, on his death bed, cursed all his fans to him. Vowing "they will never forget" and it's true, we never will.

I'm Back!!

Hi! It has been a long time since I've been to this blog but I'm back, my Rudy feelings have called on me ... and here I am to blog about Rudy.

I even intend to do fan fiction (I've set it up here). It may seem like a grandoise idea and maybe it is but he inspires me so much and I've been turning over an idea for a few days now and I'm going to start here soon. I even bought a laptop to do it. The computer I have is very old and clunky --- I can't even load videos and hardly any images. And I can't do it at work. I can do maintenance at work but I can't "create" and be "inspired" while at the same time being called on for assistance with computer/software issues. So, I bought a laptop, for the purpose of blogging and writing about Rudy.

First, where have I been?
During my initation into the world of Rudolph Valentino, where I decided to blog about him because I could not stop thinking about him, I was also dealing with an unsettling personal issue that summer (2006). My son is aspie (it's an autistic disorder that is as mysterious as it sounds). That summer in the early part of August my son had an autistic episode that was very disturbing for me. And he destroyed the laptop that I had (through the job I had at the time) and I wondered at times if it was because I spent too much time on it, watching Rudolph movies and reading about Rudy.

But it was also do to surprisingly finding love. It didn't last though but from August to October I was totally in love with someone. (it was also sadly the last time I have felt such feelings about a living person).

After all this, I sort of became very attentive to my son, who needs me most. I even gave up drinking. I think one of the reasons I'm back is because Rudy has literally replaced my need for escapism (rather than actual liquor).

My son is doing much better by the way. He is still aspie but he has made some great strides and I have reasonable hopes he will be able to lead a life of his own with this autistic disorder.

Second, what brought me back?
It was kind of Sweeney Todd...Johnny Depp. He ignited something in me during that movie and I think it was his singing that did it. I went into my old boxes in the basement looking for a cd I used to listen to back when I was "in love" it was a Bjork cd and that's when I found The Sheik and Son of The Sheik. I was thrilled beyond belief because ....

I thought the DVD was destroyed when my son destroyed my laptop. I thought I left the DVD in there. I emailed the IT group about it and asked and they never responded so I thought I had to get a new one. Although I still kept in touch with my Rudy affection through the yahoo "we will never forget" group, and I always watched his shows when I caught them on TCM ... I just had to focus on my son and my job at that time. (I was laid off last spring but thankfully found a new job).

However, when I got the Sheik and The Son of the Sheik back I had to watch it and I did and it still moved me so much, it jeweled my heart ... it was sparkling and lovely after I watched the Sheik ... and this was while I was listening to the Sweeney Todd soundtrack daily and looking up new Johnny info... which has ceased since I have again rediscovered Rudy.

Johnny Depp as subtle and sexy as he is (like Rudy) is just not Rudy. Rudy is one of a kind and I'm so glad to be reunited with my feelings for him. I have plans to go to his memorial this year.

I hope that whoever reads my words on Rudy enjoys them. I will be stumbling over thoughts and feelings and some times not word things as well as I should and will try to overcome.
But if there is anything you disagree with that I write please let me know or any concerns you have on this blog please let me know. I aim to please and not make anyone offended by anything I may write. I can get kind of crazy with my thoughts. I have kept a journal (on Rudy) and I plan on publishing some of those entries and they are "far out"... but that's what makes it fun, for me at least...if I bring any concern or compliant with my words, let me know --- I will not be offended and will do what I can to make things right.

But again fair warning, this is a creative space and I will be taking great liberities with that in mind. ;)