I got another book I requested. I got "The Magic of Rudolph Valentino". I'm excited to read it. I'm also going to do my best to get some more Valentino fiction done. I have to still edit the last one and would have this week but my work week was a bit off kilter and kept me distracted and a bit off center.

I also am still slowly making a slow but steady jaunt through My Private Diary. I enjoy reading it so much and I don't want it to ever end.

Last night, I was finally able to watch parts of The Eagle and parts of Son of the Sheik. I haven't had a chance to because again work and life have been keeping things unsteady ... but I did and I was again, like everytime I watch him, (especially in Son of the Sheik) wounded -- but wounded in a good way. What is it about this man and actor that provokes such passion. He may not be able to physically kiss where he is now, but in these scenes he spirtually kisses you. I went to bed with a deep feeling of desire in my chest and tried to sleep but had a hard time falling to sleep because I kept thinking so much about him, I was worried -- and I know this may sound a bit odd --- that my thinking of him and all that he was and could be and the time he lived and how he is still so alive to me, that my longing is calling out to things from the great beyond. So, although I am at times, like last night, enthralled with the feelings he provokes in me I'm also a bit scared because I worry that there are places in life we can go and there are places we shouldn't...and I haven't quite decided if this is something that is ok to do or not, lust after a man who's time on earth has passed.


Ok enough crazy talk. :)

Rudy's: My Private Diary

My son called me at work and told me, "The library called. They say your book is in."

I was excited and hearing my excitement, he asked, "What is it about?"

I told him I would tell him later. I didn't want to say over the phone while I was at work.

"It's that actor isn't it?"

I gushed a yes. I think it's funny that he knows there is a certain "actor" I'm into.

When I got to the library I found out it was My Private Diary that came, one of three I requested and the first. I am reading it now. First I opened it and read just parts of it, not full sections because I'll be reading it through, cover to cover and I don't want to hit on pages and pages of words I've already read when I'm curious about what I haven't read.

Anyway, I'm glad to see that Rudy talks and reminisces a great deal about his past. He puts a lot of detail into these pages and I think it's wonderful that he was so open when he wrote the diary. I know that he may have wanted to write about things he knew his fans would find interesting but that doesn't make what he says, less important or less truthful. I since reconciling my feelings over Natasha's abandonment of him as well as being his one true love, and can enjoy the pages where he brings her in very close. Thankfully. It would be a shame to have issues for this woman who was a large part of Rudy's life, while reading his words, and accounts of their life together.

The other thing that struck me is one part where he talked about his loneliness. To me when he writes about it, it is like his greatest fear. Like a monster from his past he never ever wants to see again, which of course very sad, knowing just a year later he would have to face this monster once again, and in my opinion, he put up a good fight but that monster ultimately took his life.

I got the book, "Rudolph Valentino,The Man Behind the Myth".
The librarian who gave it to me said, "Looks like an oldie but goodie."
I blushed. I wanted to tell her of my secret, but left quickly once it was in my hands to end the temptation.
I have read "parts" of it. I find some of Rudy's story so sad and it's hard for me to read that he was lonely and lost and etc... This book is also pretty light. It's like the author, just grabbed pieces of Rudy's story from other well-and not so well-informative sources and pasted bits and pieces together. But he does it in a narrative form, like he is present when things are happening and I kind of like that although it's somewhat deceptive. For instance, how does he know Natasha winked at her mom when she said to Rudy, "You were Julio in Italy and now your Galardo in Spain?"
The most interesting part of Rudy's life, for me, is his relationship with Natasha. So, I read mostly these chapters.
I was struck with the two thoughts. One that Natasha left Rudy and Hollywood because she felt like a failure and she was humiliated. The book points to the dismal box office returns of Cobra, the project Natasha generated a most negative reputation that was reported in the papers and on top of that, the all-Natasha, w/o Rudy project, What Price Beauty (that cost 100K to make) that failed miserably.
Second, Rudy had gave her so much power over his career, fully believing that she was a great source for all his inter workings as an actor and artist. He was really sold on this and he spoiled Natasha, with this naive sense of accomplishment in her. In a sense, Rudy probably should have had more restraint with Natasha. She bought that she knew best since Rudy was so passionate in this opinion. In other words, he made her a monster of her own ambition and gave her all the opportunity in the world, (to hang herself---err, I mean) "satisfy it". Rudy did himself, and their relationship, a disservice by not being more tepid in the steps he could have had them take together toward their planned success in movies. But maybe he hoped it would either allow her to be successful enough she felt at peace and would begin a family with him or realize it was not to be and begin a family with him.
But that's why I think I love him so much is that he was so willing to throw caution to the wind and embrace his passions and his whims if he felt strongly enough about them with exuberant affection and an utmost enthusiasm. His unguarded sense of trivial things, also attracts me, because in this day and age, someone is always willing to tell you the bad side of everything before ever looking at the good side. Rudy, to me, was the type to always dream big, live big and love big.
I can't really find fault in Natasha tonight, for her need to feel she was special and believe she matched in some way Rudy's gifts and talents. I think we all have this need, some more so than others, but for some of us it's an absolute necessity to get over painful things that happen to us, or just for the simple reason some have a hard time realizing their time on earth is not forever, and if there is something that is so special about us it has a life of it's own, it's a way to beat death. For those who have a hard time accepting the fact we're mortal, maybe learning at an young age not ready to learn it, the idea of living on beyond our more human capability helps in continuing to find the will to live in spite of it all.
I'm not saying that was Natasha, but my point is I can't fault her for wanting to be what she probably always secretly believed she was, and that was a talent far beyond anyone's imagination. When we accept such grandiose thoughts of ourselves and we live with these thoughts and we act and behave under these thoughts-if something comes our way (a reality check) to peel back that veil of self-importance (no matter how innocent or rightfully in place it is) it is uncomfortable and so uncomfortable I think many will take whatever means necessary to avoid such a confrontation.
Rudy was blessed. An angel or his mother in consorting with angels some how gave Rudy an enchanting presence. It is not of this earth, it is heavenly, it is not of this world, it is timeless.
Natasha could not compete and Rudy could not help it. It is the difference between what is given by our almighty maker and what we strive to make in ourselves.
***
The book also was off in some of its timeline. So, the book really although sweet, I like the fact that it side steps any sexuality-driven themes (about Acker, Natasha, Rudy etc...) it is still faulty in its inability to be genuine.
The next book I really want to read is George Ullman's "As I knew him" and the bio of Natasha.